How to survive your summer flight

September 7, 2019 in Blog

Travel tips for a quiet flight

My summer break is coming to an end in a few days which means airports, airports and more airports. I’ve learned to make the best of air travel. I can deal with the queues, delays and tedious security – pretty much everything except children. Sorry parents, I know your kids are perfect, but sitting next to a four year old playing Peppa Pig on an iPad without headphones can be rather testing. Four hours of “I’m a wiggly worm, I’m a wiggly worm!” soon gets old.

At least I’m not as bad as this woman who got kicked off a flight for complaining about sitting next to a screaming baby. What is it that makes people so mean on aeroplanes?

The CAA should make it law to play “In The Lounge with Gary Williams” on every plane right after take-off. Anyone under 15 years of age would be asleep in minutes.

To make my travel easier I always choose and aisle seat, never check a bag and always carry noise-cancelling headphones. Happy flying, I have learned, is all about being prepared, or as Peppa Pig once said, “If you are jumping up and down in muddy puddles, you must wear your boots.”

I was complaining to a fellow entertainer about a 10 hour wait I had recently week in a small Greek airport. He told me about a flight he had from Singapore to Lisbon. He first flew to Dubai, then London, then for no reason whatsoever Manchester, then back to London before finally Lisbon. When he asked if his extra 4 hour stop in Manchester was a mistake he was told that was the given route and it couldn’t be changed. The computer said no. So much for reducing our carbon footprint.

I think Tony Bennett nailed it when he said singers get paid for the travel, not for the singing.

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